The Stupidest Wish
by Fiery Wordess
Summary: The final terror of The Stupid Trilogy.
1. Here it goes

The Stupidest Wish

After suffering through Middle Earth and Tortall, Katie and Sarah were fed up with making stupid wishes.  But as we all know they are stupid and therefore CONTINUED making stupid wishes.  Of course, none of the small stupid wishes were ever granted.  For example, Sarah's hair never straightened and Katie's butt never flattened.  Alas, that is the general way of their lives.

But this is a story of ultimate suffering.  This story shall sicken the reader, thus, I advise those of you with weak stomachs to stop reading or to pull up a garbage can.  I prefer the second only because the first would result in Katie and Sarah never having their final tale known.  How sad that would be.  

Not too long ago, our tale of woe and wonder begins….     

The two girls sat side by side, stuffing their traps with buttered popcorn and watching Harry Potter.  The one with the insanely curly hair stuck a kernel up her nose and turned to the one with the vast amount of freckles.

"Yay!"  Sarah said.

"Ew."  Katie disagreed.  "No more popcorn for me."  She put her bowl to the floor and the dog bounded over to devour the food.

"Oh Ebony, Ebony."  Sarah shook her head.  "You fatty."  Ebony panted happily then continued to chow down.  Sarah toed the black dog in the side but received no response.  "Stupid Ebony."  

"Give the dog a break, she lives with you."  Katie teased.

"And since when does that merit break-giving?"

"Good point."

"Mine always are."

"The movie isn't as good as the book."  Katie complained.

"Of course not.  Did you honestly think that was possible?"  Sarah asked incredulously.

"No, but the movie downright sucks."

"Liar."

"I'm allowed to exaggerate."  Katie huffed.

"No, you're not.  Your butt alone does that."

"Indeed."  But they both stopped in mid-squabble to gawk happily.  

"Fred."  Moaned Sarah.

"George."  Katie cried in a sort of sex-tasy.

"Do you know what I'm thinking?"

"George."

"No.  I'm thinking Fred."

"You take him; I've got my eye on that beast."

Ebony grinned.  Spookily.  

"Are you sure you know what you want?"  Ebony whispered.

"Yeah!  LOTS AND LOTS OF GEORGE/FRED!"  Both girls cried at once.  

"Um, weren't you the one that whispered?"  Katie asked.

"Hell no, I thought it was you."

"Shit."  They swore in unison.

And thus begins the tale of horror.  


	2. Ergh

"Why did you do that?"  Sarah asked as the lights went out.

"What?  I had as much to do with this as you did."

"Trust me; somehow this is all your fault."

"Ready kids?"  Ebony had turned into a clown. 

"Why a clown?  Why a clown?"

"You terrifying beast!" 

Ebony groaned.  "Why is it you two have to ruin my fun?"  He scrunched his eyes.  "Life is a party and YOU CANNOT RUIN IT!  Every party has a pooper…."

"And that's why we have a pooper scooper."  Katie interrupted.

"That's why we invited you per."  Ebony finished. 

"Nuh huh!"  Sarah cried out.

"Ready for your wish?"

"No!"  The girls cried together.

"Too bad.  You shouldn't have called me fat."

_ZONK!  _

"A clown horn?"  Katie rolled her eyes.  "Puh-leeze."  

But it was too late; they were whisked away to the burrow. 

_If I keep my eyes closed, Katie thought,__ maybe I won't feel like I'm somewhere else.  Maybe I'll open them to discover that none of this has…  But she opened her eyes because of curiosity, worry, and excitement. _

In front of her stood George.  He was smiling vaguely at her.

"Wow."  George said.  "You're more gorgeous than I ever imagined."

"Talk about yourself."  Katie ran towards the red-haired twin and they started snogging.  Abruptly, she tore herself away from him.  "Do I have a man's voice or was that just me?"  She asked.  

George's eyes widened and he felt his hair and screamed.  "I'M UNCLEAN!"

"Sarah?!"  Katie shrieked.  "NO WAY!! NO!"  Both "boys" wiped their mouths adamantly on their robes.  

"Why?  WHY?"  Sarah-George started crying.  "You know what this is called, don't you?"

"Hell?"  Katie sobbed as well.

"No!  Well… there is that, but it's called TWINCEST!"  

"I HATE that sort of fanfictions!"  Katie wailed. 

"I do too!"  Sarah sat down.  "This is all wrong, Katie, all wrong… you look like Fred and I look like George."

"Therefore, we look the same, but you're sexier than I am."

"Damn straight."  Sarah responded automatically.  "I mean… no!  You're sexier than I am!"   

"Never!"

"What _are _you two shouting about?"  The door to their bedroom burst open to allow a little red-haired girl entrance.

"Ginny?  Go away, not right now."  Sarah waved her hand.

"Are you two fighting?  You know mum will kill you if you continue…."  

"Look, you don't know what is going on right now, so just piss off."  Katie cried in exasperation.  

"If you _told _me you might find I can help."  Ginny was cross.  

"Okay, fine!"  Sarah was beside herself.  Actually, she was physically beside her twin, but that is beyond the point.  

"We made our STUPIDEST wish and now we're STUCK here!"  Katie ejaculated.  No, not _that _kind.  I mean the shouting kind, you stinking pervert. 

"What?"  Ginny was stupefied.  "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not Fred, I'm Katie.  She's not George, she's Sarah."

"You're transvestites now?"  Ginny's voice was dripping with sarcasm.  "You still look like boys to me."

"THAT'S BECAUSE-."

"Shut up, Katie!"  Sarah cried.  "Look, we're not from England.  You don't really exist, but whatever.  We wished we could marry Fred and George and we BECAME Fred and George and now… we're just angry."

"What's going on?"  Ron had tromped to their room and had stumbled through the door.  "Your business isn't already crashing, is it?"

"They've gone insane."  Ginny frowned.  "They seem to think they're girls who've possessed their own bodies."

"WE'RE NOT INSANE!"  They shouted together.  

"Prove it."  Ginny demanded.  "Tell me something about girls that only a girl would know."

Sarah and Katie were stumped.  "Something only a girl would know?  Like about our bodies?  Or that men are swine?"  Katie asked. 

"Anything."  Ginny said.

"We hate menstruation?"  Sarah tried.  "And that disgusting yellow goop that lines our underwear?"

 Ron's face turned green.  "Girls pee in their pants?"

"No."  Katie, Sarah, and Ginny said together.  

"I think… I think I believe you."  Ginny was a bit taken aback.  "But what happened to the real Fred and George?"

"We don't know."  Katie sighed.  "This isn't the first time this has happened to us.  First it was Legolas…."  She shot a dirty look at Sarah.

"Then it was King Jonathan."  Sarah returned the glare. 

"Now it's this?"  Ginny guessed.  "And what do you mean by saying that I'm not real?"

"You're a fictional character."  Sarah mumbled.  "Sorry, chicka." 

Ginny smiled vaguely.  "You read the books by the great goddess J.K. Rowling, don't you?"

"She's a goddess too?"  Katie and Sarah stared at each other.  "Just like Tolkien and Pierce.  And we're lesser gods."  

"You're from the planet of the gods.  That is amazing."  Ginny shook her head.  

"What the hell are you talking about?"  Ron was looking from the three faces of the girls as though hoping for a sign that said "just kidding!"

"Ron, you'd never get it.  Go back to your room."  Ginny waved him away.

"No!  I'm standing here until I understand what's going on!"

"Eternity, then."  Ginny rolled her eyes.  "The only person that can fix this is Dumbledore, I'll wager."  

"Where do we find him?"  Sarah asked hopefully.

"Number twelve Grimmauld Place."       


	3. Floo Away

The four of them trumped down the many staircases until they reached the fireplace. Ron stared in confusion at his two older… brothers? Katie and Sarah were fighting in whispers the whole way down.

"This is your fault, you stupid wench!" Sarah hissed at Katie.

"Shut up, you wished just as hard as I did." Katie retaliated.

"Hah," Sarah looked down, nearly tripping over an old robe cast aside haphazardly by Percy before he ran off. "This must be our stupidest wish yet."

"Hopefully our last," Katie agreed agreeably.

Ron stared at the two of them, gathered his courage and yelped: "The joke's not funny anymore!"

"Joke, eh?" Sarah turned to Katie and winked.

"What are you winking about?" Katie asked dully.

"I don't know. But I had the urge."

"Herbal Essences urge?" Katie asked.

"Sure," Sarah said. Both girls grinned and began to make orgasm noises. Ron was frightened.

"How about a kissy wissy Ron?" Katie puckered her lips… rather… his lips at the tall redhead.

"Urgh!" He backed away, nearly flipping over a railing.

"So Ron, when are you going to kiss Hermione?" Sarah asked, hands on hips.

"A girl can only wait so long," Katie agreed. "She might wish herself into some dreadful place if you take too long."

"Trust us, we know," Sarah said, feeling slightly nauseous.

Ron was beet red and blubbering like a fool.

Ginny looked back at them from the bottom of the staircase.

"Are you coming or are you trying to rape my brother?"

"Which one?" Katie asked laughing.

"That's not funny, you pervert," Sarah said, trying to be serious.

They grinned manically and, simultaneously reached for Ron, smooching him on the cheeks.

"Damn!" Sarah looked at his glowing crimson face. "I forgot we don't wear lippy!"

"Aw, no marks."

"Ginny! Do you have any lippy?" Sarah called down.

"AH!" Ron ran down the stairs at full speed.

"Hahahhahahahahahhahahahaha!" The girls laughed like psychos on morphine.

Ginny caught her brother as he nearly pitched forward onto his face.

"Stop terrorizing my brother," she said halfheartedly. "Come on now, we have things to do."

"Things to see?" Sarah glanced down at her own male-parts.

"Things to feel?" Katie cackled.

"Um… I don't want to know," Ginny shook her head, tugging her brother along.

Moments later, the four of them gathered in front of the roaring fireplace. Ginny cast in the sparkling emerald floo powder and the fire took on the same color.

"Ooh, lovely," Katie and Sarah chimed.

Ron looked frightened and stepped in first, stammering out: "Number twelve Grimmauld Place!" And then disappearing.

"All right, you two go before me." Ginny ushered them to the fireplace.

"Nah, we'll be all right," Katie shook her head, "we've read the books about five thousand times. We know everything," Katie winked suggestively at Ginny, who turned a dark shade of scarlet.

"Hehehehe," Sarah agreed.

"Erm… I'll go first then, shall I?" Ginny practically ran into the flames, shouting "NUMBER TWELVE GRIMMAULD PLACE!" She sounded rather hysterical.

"Shall we have a looksie?" Katie turned around to scrutinize the pigpen of a house.

"Nah, we have places to go," Sarah stepped into the fireplace. "Things to see,"

"People to terrorize," Katie added for good measure.

"_Bien sûr," _Sarah nodded sagely. "DIAGON ALLEY!" She roared.

"Ooh, you naughty little pumpernickel." Katie clucked her tongue as the fire flared high and resettled without a Sarah. "My turn," she grinned excitedly. The emerald flames invited her in and she stepped inside into the invitingness of the inviting emerald flames. "DIAGON splutter ALLEY!" Inwardly, she wondered if she'd survive the night. Ash went up her nostrils and she had the burning sensation that ash causes when it goes up one's nostril. Round and round she went before falling face first on top of a load of George. "Oh yay," she sighed.

"Oh yay," Sarah agreed.

"Oh dear," Katie cried.

"Get off," Sarah said benignly, shoving Katie off rather forcefully. "Ooh! Look at my biceps!" Sarah said rather excitedly.

"I think I have a six pack!" Katie squealed.

"Oh Fred my sexy prince!" Sarah sighed. By then they had attracted a small crowd of curious onlookers, all muttering in British. They took no notice and embraced one another, complimenting the other's astounding beauty. Just then a dumpy redhead walked by, carting a load of books.

"FRED! GEORGE!" She screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU _DOING_?!"

"Erm… who's she?" Katie whispered to Sarah.

"No bloody idea," Sarah whispered back.

"Okay then," Katie drew up. "WENCH! WHO ARE YOU?!"

"That's not funny!" The woman cried back. "I AM YOUR MOTHER, GEORGE!" She paused to add, "I think."

"I'm FRED!" Katie yelled back.

"Oh whatever." She reached over and grabbed Katie and Sarah by the ears, dragging them off yelling all the while, "MAKING a SCENE in a PUBLIC place! How COULD you be so STUPID!??" Making a scene herself that was much more spectacular than their own seeming twincestual scene.

"Wonderful," Sarah muttered, "we've just ruined Fred and George's reputation in front of all these people."

"We could blame the Fancying Fudge for that, to help business a bit," Katie shrugged.

"It's a thought,"

"HOW can you THINK of your STUPID JOKE SHOP at a TIME like THIS?!"

"Easily," Katie said quickly, feeling Fred's wit outdo her own.

"Yes," Sarah chuckled.

"Ooh! You two! First year you had so many detentions…" she began to ramble through their sexy history, ending with, "and then running away!" She trailed off and embraced them. "I'm proud of you two despite your…."

"Smashing good looks?" Sarah said stupidly.

"Um… oh, just give me a hug." She squashed them.

"OOF!" They grunted in unison.

"Mum…" Katie moaned. "Please get off,"

"Well, we were worried when you two apparated in the middle of the joke shop. Nobody knew where you'd gone!"

"Oh! Yes… we… er… uh…." Katie stumbled.

"We met beautiful, lovely girls!" Sarah blurted out.

"Yes! That's it!" Katie agreed quickly.

"Oh!" Mrs. Weasley seemed thrilled momentarily, "wait, WHAT?!" She began to dither. "We must get back to Gr- home. Your father needs to have that… special… talk…."

"Oh poo," Katie muttered. "I hate this talk,"

"_Moi aussi,_" Sarah said. She shut her mouth, and thought for a moment. She made it look hard. "Ka…er Fred…." She asked. "What do you think _Sarah's _doing right now?"

"Why?"

"Cause she forgot to shave her legs,"

"Hehe, I… rather… she Nair-ed hers just last night." Katie grinned in triumph.

"I hope she neglected her armpits," Sarah hissed angrily.

"Oh poo," Katie said again, just trying to appease Sarah. They were smoothy smooth except for the dreaded right armpit, in which hair grew in many strange directions.

(A/N: Coming soon: Fred and George's point of view! The REAL ones!)


End file.
